pray for me

facebook, you sure have made me ponder religion a lot these days. i travel in a pretty jesus free crowd. i didn't really grow up going to church. none of my good friends were big church goers. my mom says wacky things about angels following us around and likes to send out e-mails with cute pictures and inspirational phrases, but other than that, nothing very spiritual comes out of the mouths of the S family. so, it's kind of weird for me to imagine people my age getting up on sunday and going to church. and believing what is being said. and responding to the crises of others with "i'll pray for you." and i'm happy about this. but sometimes i wonder if it wouldn't just be easier to be one of those that just believes. obviously this won't happen for me. you can't just make yourself believe in something. and i don't want it to, but sometimes i like to what if. what if i had preferred going to church with mimmie and papaw instead of sleeping in at mamaw's. what if i'd gone to young life in high school instead of thinking it was weird and cultlike. what if i'd met and fallen in love with some good ol' tennessee mountain boy and just fallen into a life of wwjd. it seems like it's so easy to just be able to respond to your friends and neighbors problems with an i'm praying for you or an i've added you to the prayer list. it also seems easy to just believe god's timing is best and god knows best. surprisingly, as much as i like easy, i don't think this could ever work for me. i feel like there's all these people out there whose mom's have cancer, who are infertile, who have children with serious problems, who are lonely. and they are all smothering their insecurities and unhappiness with this very vague and abstract sort of answer. when you know they have to have these niggling little doubts that come creeping in at just the worst of times. i'm afraid one day they are all just going to explode.

reading: a collection of new yorker stories that feature the city of new york
cooking: lentil soup, artichoke spread for last night's dinner and miso soup for tonight's. all recipes from 101 cookbooks.