friday night

i just couldn't drag myself out of the house tonight. i think i would rather save my energy up for tomorrow night. i always feel like i want to be out on the town all weekend, but once i'm somewhere out and about, i usually just want to leave. i'm so glad my life isn't all bars and drinking and smoking now. it's so nice to wake up in the morning and actually feel really good.
i was trying to look up some family history tonight. i googled harriet bartley and elkhorn city and was led to a website with lots of pics of elkhorn city and this overwhelming feeling of sadness and missing my mamaw came over me. also an overwhelming urge to drive to elkhorn city and walk around where she used to live. i have such vague memories of visiting grandma bartley with mamaw and papaw when i was little. i remember the tiny bedroom and playing with a little neighbor girl in the trailer park who didn't have a bed.
i think my mom has given up on god. katie was telling her that she was praying the other night for help with her addiction. she then had some horrible dreams about finding herself dead with aaron and then mom and dad abandoning her. i guess she was suggesting that god put those dreams in her head to teach her that she was going to lose everything if she kept things up. so i expected mom to be all over this. but instead she just said i'm sure she just dreamed that because that was what was on her mind. which i believe. but i feel a little sad that mom came up with that on her own. i fully expect katie to become some kind of nutty born again sometime very soon. i think that would be just the place for her. and though i don't look forward to listening to the rhetoric that comes with the born agains, it is much better than her being a big junkie.
i was telling mom that katie ought to try going to church to meet people. i'm sure there are people there who would just love to befriend someone with katie's story and past. she'd probably be a big hit at the mid 20s bible study group.
i'm going to clean the house and make some key lime syrup for key lime gimlets to have when andrew gets home.
to sum the week up:
i love my new bedding
i miss my mamaw
i worry about katie too much
i have new running shoes that need to be put to work tomorrow - no excuses
i am lame on friday nights (but i secretly love making a grilled cheese sandwich and watching dateline and history's mysteries and lounging about in pajamas)
key lime gimlets might be the best idea i've ever had
i can't wait to spend the day with andrew tomorrow